so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
