I showed him my bush... on skype.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize