It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
