My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
