Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
