Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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