**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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