Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
