let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
