So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
