i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
