He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
