If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
