Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
