I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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