I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
