I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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