haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
