i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
