It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize