Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
