you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
