think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
