Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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