sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
