Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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