I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
