Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize