Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
