worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
