New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Even my vagina gasped.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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