Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
