the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
