I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
