awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize