i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
