Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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