Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
