I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
