I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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