Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
