i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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