Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
