i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
