I just threw up on my dentist
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
