No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
