walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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