After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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