he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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