I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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