It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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