So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
