you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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