His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
