I seem to have left my pride at pride
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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