If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
