You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
