I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
