I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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