one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
