If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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