Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
