she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
