Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
