I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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