***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
