and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
