the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize