on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
