I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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