i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize