I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
