I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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