i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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