Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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