Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
