meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
