im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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