You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
