I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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