she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
