Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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