Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
