And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
