I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
