I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
