You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
