How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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